Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[poole boy]

The Girl Lodger


A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath,although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don't go to darts. Wait in the back garden and I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department; very generously indeed.

Then the girl went to bed and the husband came in; the wife asked:

"Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't"...

[Keechy]

Thanks all - Fridays are worth waiting for again!!

[oldbluefox]

Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.

'The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

"You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks Cherie.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. '

I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them: ' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.

[Dennis The Menace]

A grumpy old man walks into a local church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the vicar's study to inform him of her situation. The vicar agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the vicar asks the old man, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won £30 million in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.”

“I see,” said the vicar. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

[Stephen]

An old one I know.


Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.

By chance, Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for
some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them.

I think I'll get some for myself," grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes.

When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em' dry."

[qbman1]

Registry on the first day back at school.

The teacher begins calling out the names of the pupils:-

"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here"
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here"
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here"
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here"
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here"
"Ali Son Al En” - silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son Al En" - continued silence as everyone looked around the room.

The teacher repeats the call:
"Ali Son Al En…"
A girl stands up and says timidly: "Sorry, teacher. I think that might be me. But it's pronounced Alison Allen…"

[qbman1]

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY COMMENT!!

A man walks into the council office & says to the Customer Service Officer: "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be a councillor ....I need some practice for becoming a member of parliament"

The receptionist replied "Certainly sir Please fill in this form."

So he was filling in the form OK until he came to the question 'Are you circumcised?'

He asked the receptionist, "Is that question necessary?"

She replied "If you are circumcised you are not eligible"

He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?

She replied "Well to become a member of parliament you have to be a complete pri*k."

[The Invigilator]

Loving reading the morning all again folks a huge welcome back to this thread

[oldbluefox]

Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain stable...


Just got a batch of 200 Tesco beef burgers cheap, it only cost me a Pony


Just checked my Tesco Burgers in the fridge.....and they're off!


Prices are going through the hoof in my area.


Reading the label on these Tesco burgers.... it turns out they're fairly low in fat, but surprisingly high in Shergar


Trouble is now people beginning to question the content of tesco's finest new extra long sausages....


New kids food found in budget supermarket ……..My lidl pony


Had a tesco burger the other day but it gave me the trots


Tesco are expecting burger sales to go down initially......but not furlong


Apparently they've now refused to name their mane supplier


Tesco PR department are having a mare !


is it a coincidence that 'hamburgers' is an anagram of Shergars Bum ?


Tesco scored highly in a recent Gallop Poll


Apparently the burgers go really well with Philly dip.

[gfwgfw]

A burnt Burger is known as a "Black Beauty"