Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Mornin All ~ :) ~

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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 15 Aug 2014, 08:25

First post

Cliff Richard accused of sex crimes

I tell you what, its worth getting tickets to the inmates Christmas panto at Strangeways this year

Last post

We'll miss these if the Scots break away......................

They are just so romantic.

OMG Foxy that is gross :sick:

9 Replies

223 Views

Last post by Jan Rosser
19 Aug 2014, 10:43
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 08 Aug 2014, 06:31

First post

A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, How about that? I just...

Last post

As she sat by him, he whispered, his eyes full of tears, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were...

4 Replies

119 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
08 Aug 2014, 22:20
Mornin All ~~~ : ~~~

by Stephen » 01 Aug 2014, 08:01

First post

Dad, what does 'ignoramus' mean?

I've no idea son. Probably some type of dinosaur.

Last post

An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital.

So I pushed her under a bus.

5 Replies

112 Views

Last post by Stephen
01 Aug 2014, 12:51
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 25 Jul 2014, 08:34

First post

When it's freezing cold outside, old-age pensioners get winter fuel payments.

Using the same logic, I'm off to Downing Street to petition for...

Last post

:lol: ................

15 Replies

209 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
26 Jul 2014, 16:59
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 18 Jul 2014, 08:12

First post

The National Crime Agency says they have arrested 660 suspected paedophiles in a major operation today.

In other news, no-one turned up for work at...

Last post

Scientists have found that married couples share similar DNA.

Mind you, the study was done in Norfolk.

10 Replies

231 Views

Last post by Stephen
18 Jul 2014, 16:12
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 11 Jul 2014, 06:27

First post

I'm thinking of sending my wife out to Malaysia to help find missing flight MH370.

She has an extraordinary ability to bring stuff up that anyone...

Last post

Scottish independence

If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the...

10 Replies

207 Views

Last post by poole boy
11 Jul 2014, 17:14
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 04 Jul 2014, 08:03

First post

The International Space Station is flying over England tonight...
So if you're in Liverpool, expect some youth to be knocking on your door trying to...

Last post

CARP Canadian Association of Retired People

Questions and Answers from CARP Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 50 find younger women...

5 Replies

143 Views

Last post by Dancing Queen
09 Jul 2014, 20:10
Marnin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Not so ancient mariner » 27 Jun 2014, 12:01

First post

PETE: How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really
something special.

RONNY: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The...

Last post

Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his...

9 Replies

188 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
30 Jun 2014, 19:08
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 31 Jan 2014, 08:38

First post

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two...

Last post

A preacher had a deacon in his church who had a bad habit of cussing.

In his attempt to help the deacon overcome this terrible habit, the preacher...

12 Replies

293 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
23 Jun 2014, 12:52
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 20 Jun 2014, 04:20

First post

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be...

Last post

One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles. One of the Englishmen turns to...

6 Replies

150 Views

Last post by Stephen
21 Jun 2014, 20:52
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 13 Jun 2014, 06:33

First post

Someone mentioned that Rik Mayall had died, so I decided to check for myself.

I spent an hour Googling Young Ones and Bottom , and have now been...

Last post

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long...

14 Replies

220 Views

Last post by Dancing Queen
17 Jun 2014, 15:28
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 06 Jun 2014, 08:18

First post

Police searching for Madeleine McCann in Portugal have widened the search area.

A spokesman said they will soon be moving on to the Bahamas and...

Last post

Sounds about right :D

6 Replies

186 Views

Last post by Stephen
09 Jun 2014, 09:35
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 30 May 2014, 08:26

First post

Interesting Human Body Facts

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

- A full bladder is...

Last post

TRAFFIC WARDEN'S FUNERAL

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams I'm not dead,...

9 Replies

179 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
31 May 2014, 21:19
MorninAll ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 23 May 2014, 08:13

First post

Prince Charles has apologised to the Russian ambassador for comparing Putin to Hitler, whilst on a state visit to Canada.

He said that in future he...

Last post

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the...

18 Replies

278 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
27 May 2014, 18:56
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 16 May 2014, 06:20

First post

'David Cameron stung by jellyfish'

I felt the slimy spineless creature come into contact with me before feeling a sickening pain .... said the...

Last post

There are many 'pinot' wines on the market these days: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio are but a few.

There is also marketing research on a...

16 Replies

291 Views

Last post by qbman1
20 May 2014, 13:09
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 09 May 2014, 08:06

First post

Following racist accusations, Jeremy Clarkson has said as a goodwill gesture, and to prove it was all a big misunderstanding he'll invite Lenny Henry...

Last post

How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police...

15 Replies

272 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
12 May 2014, 08:17
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by qbman1 » 02 May 2014, 09:06

First post

Unfortunately, Stephen is indisposed today so I am standing in as a pale imitation for the weekly fun and frolics......

At Sunday church the local...

Last post

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, darling, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car,...

8 Replies

192 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
07 May 2014, 18:31
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 25 Apr 2014, 08:31

First post

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life...

Last post

A new phobia…..?

Oscarpistosis

The fear of going to the bathroom at your boyfriend’s house

8 Replies

171 Views

Last post by qbman1
25 Apr 2014, 12:48
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 18 Apr 2014, 08:33

First post

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so...

Last post

Meanwhile In Essex, a wife texts her husband on a
cold winter's morning:
Windows frozen, won't open, I don’t know what to do”.

Husband texts...

4 Replies

129 Views

Last post by Dancing Queen
19 Apr 2014, 13:45
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 11 Apr 2014, 06:31

First post

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively...

Last post

That makes two of us fluent in gobbledygook !

12 Replies

223 Views

Last post by qbman1
16 Apr 2014, 14:56
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 04 Apr 2014, 08:33

First post

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant, says Jimmy....

Last post

Enjoy this one...............

10 Replies

196 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
04 Apr 2014, 17:01
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 28 Mar 2014, 08:47

First post

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and...

Last post

Old Butch

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records,...

16 Replies

420 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
02 Apr 2014, 18:42
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 21 Mar 2014, 08:43

First post

I went to our local cinema last night and saw 12 years.

I was sickened to see how someone could cause so much pain, suffering and hardship to...

Last post

Is this one too rude, or perhaps you've heard it;

Sign written in the dirt on the back of a truck reads I wish my Missus was as dirty as this truck...

16 Replies

258 Views

Last post by qbman1
25 Mar 2014, 16:43
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 14 Mar 2014, 06:33

First post

Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year,

And every year Stewart would say, Barbara, I'd like to ride in that helicopter...

Last post

NAG NAG NAG

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the...

13 Replies

253 Views

Last post by Dancing Queen
15 Mar 2014, 19:23
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

by Stephen » 07 Mar 2014, 08:09

First post

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana,...

Last post

A man received a message from his neighbour ...:

Sorry sir I am using your wife...I am using day and night ...I am

using when you are not present...

6 Replies

215 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
07 Mar 2014, 12:14

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