CMV Magellan , Baltic cruise

[Silver_Shiney]

He's running it!

In that case, Merv and me can expect to be blackballed any minute !

Doesn't say much for my chances then

Great report, DK, keep it coming!

[barney]

Will us Ten-Bob Millionaires let him in Cubie ??

Zat is the question ?

[Mervyn and Trish]

You should have done a "private" tour in St Petes - you see a lot more, can stop and look, no queuing - albeit a tad more expensive but worth every penny. Oh and you get through Russian immigration quicker.

We got through in about 2 mins when we did it on a P&O tour. A stark contrast with the wait last week to get into our ally, the US!

[Mervyn and Trish]

In terms of moany old gits sounds like CMV out does P&O by miles.

But I do think from his style Batty could have a great career as a tour guide.

We had one on a walking tour of Oslo who was in training for the Norwegian Olympic sprint squad. I'm amazed we finished the tour (15 mins early BTW) without need of a defibrillator.

[Dark Knight]

Day 11..Stockholm a tale of 2 cities
A hangover free start to the day, which made a nice change of pace, after an early breakfast we were ready to catch the free shuttle bus into Stockholm, much is made of the 14 islands on which the city is built but it makes little difference for the DIY explorer, getting around is easy and straightforward. The shuttle bus dropped us off at the Opera house and off we went, turning left brought us onto a long street of modern shops and shopping centres, Hornsgatan , which was very similar to any big town or city anywhere and our original enthusiasm waned a bit at the sight of tourist tat shops, coffee houses and department stores. Having mooched around the underground shopping mall and walked the length of the shopping street ,we decided to go and get a coffee and then make a hasty exit back to the ship. After a coffee and a large slice of apple pie,` spirits improved and we walked back to the opera house and over the bridge to the left into the old town.........WOW
We found ourselves walking past palaces, government building, monuments and statues and into the old town proper, what a fantastic contrast to the bland modern Stockholm, we spent a couple of hours walking and shopping in the eclectic mix of designer boutiques and small independent shops, with barely a tourist tat shop in sight
we stopped at the Royal palace, the Nobel museum, the Cathedral and the Royal Armoury for photos and a brief look around, just shows what one wrong turn can do.
After a wallet emptying 2 hrs of shopping,we got back on the bus and headed for food and drink back on board.
After depositing the shopping in the cabin we headed up to deck 10 to grab a beer and some food before getting comfy for the sail out of Stockholm.
Over the years I have read many reports stating that this or that sail out is the best in the world, Venice, New York etc but for sheer natural beauty and a real sense of how difficult it is to navigate a ship, Stockholm takes the crown, hands down, no discussion. On the way through the ship was close enough to some of the islands that you could have used the gangway to reach them without getting your feet wet, the depth of water was only a few feet deep either side of the ship and you could actually see the rocks below.
it was a fantastic slow sail out , the weather held fair and despite the ladies on our table being wrapped in blankets to stave off the cold wind, we stuck it out till the end and it was well worth it
after we had eaten we went to see what the show was in the theatre to find it was a Stevie Wonder tribute night....hmm
so we headed off to the show lounge to see if any of the songs that Excelsior, the resident band sang, would be recognisable to the rest of us and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised to have recognised 2 of them.
Apparently I had up until this point been doing the Carmen duo a huge disservice as I had mixed them up with the due Excelsior.
The Carmen duo were , apparently a very very good classical duo in the Hampton's bar and not the pub level warblers, we enjoyed so much in the show lounge. so my apologies to Carmen
as tomorrow is a sea day , we were in no rush to call it a night and rounded the evening off with a couple of Irish coffees for me and a Bailey's coffee for Lady D before heading home

[Silver_Shiney]

It's a great pity your cruise wasn't a lot longer as I'm really enjoying reading this report.

[Dark Knight]

Day whatever : sea day...yawn
today is packing day or at least the start of it , we only have one more stop and another sea day and we are home. As with all sea days the ships entertainers do their best to keep 1250 passengers from either getting hammered by 11.00am or jumping overboard due the tedium of having nothing to do other than eat and drink or fall asleep in the chairs
Cruise moan number 3: why do selfish people hog the chairs inside the ship just to fall asleep? why not go back to your cabin, after all there is a bed in there, there must have been a dozen coffin dodgers asleep in the show lounge chairs at 11.00 am
Now to give you ,dear reader ,an idea of the rich and varied entertainment available to the well bred and socially adept traveller I will post an extract from the daily news sheet
10.00 am Bean bag bowls
10.30 Craft and Creation with Nina ..how to paint what you have seen on your cruise
11.00 rope quoits
11.15 hotel demonstration 30 minutes of towel and napkin folding
11.30 Carpet bowls
12.30 Jakkolo, the fun puck pushing game
13.15 Line Dancing..yee haw
14.15 board game get together
15.45 Bingo for the masses and the Sun readers
so a fun packed can be had should you wish, we did not wish and found a quiet corner with kindles and I pods and watched the world go by and did a spot of people watching , which is always good for a laugh, especially spot the wig, male or female and our personal favourite, spot the cosmetic surgery, of which there was quite a bit, Boob jobs for the over 60's must be on the increase given the evidence we saw
after whiling away most of the day we headed back for a wash and brush up before heading off in search of food and drink on deck 10, this is the point where it all went downhill. We bumped into our cruise friends, Derek and Jo and were soon joined by our other cruise friends Scott and Sylvia in the naughty corner of the beer garden, 3 hours later we set off for the show lounge and 3 hours after that we headed off to Sinatra's and at 2.30 am we called it a night and staggered back to the cabin.
now it is probably useful to recap the details of the drinks package at this point purely for some sense of context. The drinks package per person is £238 for 14 nights, the maths wizards will know that is £17 per day, so to get ahead of the curve we needed to spend £34 per day on drinks( not just alcohol, drinks. big difference) well today's bar bill was £0.75 shy of £120 for Lady Dark and I , so I submit that the drinks package is in fact wonderful value and hugely undersold.

[Dark Knight]

Day 13 Aarhus or just AAAAARGH
How we made it back to the cabin remains a mystery, how I lost my cruise card also remains a mystery but the roaring hangover I have is very much not a mystery.
After dragging myself out of bed at 10.30 am and having a long shower to try to wake up , we set off for a walk around Aarhus, which is the second largest city in Denmark and full of bloody students. The ship is docked right next to the railway station and it is a short walk into town past various bars and restaurants and into the main shopping area, we spent a couple of hours aimlessly wandering about and passed the Cathedral the Museum, the Viking museum and finally gave up and found a bar and grill for some much needed food, which was right opposite the Viking museum
to say the place was eclectic would be an understatement , music memorabilia hung from every wall and beam, wooden cigar selling Indians abounded and the staff looked like extras from some goth horror film, but we are British and we didn't conquer most of the world by being timid, so we sat down and ordered food
the food that followed was one of the best burgers I have ever tasted ,done to perfection and the size of a small house plus salad and fries, now the foodies amongst you may turn your nose up at burger and chips in far off climes but given the state of my hangover it was exactly what was needed, well that plus 3 pints of full fat coke to get the blood sugar up
after rallying a bit we set of for the old Viking part of town and had an hour looking at old stuff before walking back to the ship
once back on board , it was I admit, time for a snooze and very welcome it was too.
the rest of the night was very subdued and after a small dinner in the buffet we headed indoors and a very early night

[Dark Knight]

Day 14 Sea you later
our last day before getting back into Newcastle and as is fairly typical it was packing day and sorting out day, yesterdays hangover had almost gone by the time I got up and went for breakfast.
as before it was the usual array of day time entertainment on board so we again found a quiet spot and finished reading our books before heading back to start the packing, I say we but I am not allowed to help with the packing, as I am useless, so I observed and gave encouragement for the comfort of my side of the bed
the mystery of the missing key card was solved by reception issuing me a new one and the old one turning up under the bed in the cabin ? it's a mystery how that happened.
Being honest I could not face another drink, so we were hoping to avoid the naughty corner on deck 10 and have a relaxing day alcohol free, luckily the other 4 were as bad as us and we all sat around drinking mocktails and pints of coke pretending we were all staying sober as we all had long drives home tomorrow morning.....yeah right
the last sea day is a day of mixed emotions, a day to reflect on the cruise and a day to look forward to getting home again
we sat around for a few hours chatting about the good, bad and best bits of the cruise and what each person had enjoyed and not enjoyed
I left Lady D to it and headed back to the cabin for a bit of a snooze before dinner.
I didn't actually make dinner as I was fast asleep till gone 9 and after that I couldn't be bothered hunting down food
Cases were outside by 10.30 pm and collected before midnight
so what started out with a bang ended with a whimper

[Dark Knight]

Newcastle dock...time to go home
We were turfed out of our cabin at 07.00 , as was everyone else on the ship regardless of cabin, deck or disembarkation time
so we headed off for breakfast and then promptly gave up as 600 or so people all had had the same idea and the buffet was standing room only, we opted for a couple of cups of tea and to wait it out on deck 10, we saw a lot of people we had chatted with over the last 2 weeks and caught up for the last time with the naughty corner and George with the nice a*se
our getting off time was 08.15 but we were called at 07.50 and off the ship and back in the car by 08.10
a very quick well organised departure from the ship
3 hrs later we were back home and 4 hrs later the shopping was done and the first load of washing nearly finished

THE END

[towny44]

An excellent review DK, and you seemed to thoroughly enjoy the experience. Unfortunately I doubt we will still be cruising by the time CMV buy Ventura, or something similar which is wheelchair friendly with modern accessible cabins, but it was a good read nevertheless.

[barney]

Very entertaining DK, and a lot of effort on your part

Well done

[Jan Rosser]

Loved your review Batty - I laughed out loud at times - you have a wicked way of describing things - I'd love to have been in your naughty corner

[GillD46]

A most enjoyable read even if it doesn't sound like the cruise ship for me. Thanks for the effort in writing it.

[Mervyn and Trish]

Great review Batty. I'm impressed you didn't get chucked in the brig at some point!

[Dark Knight]

Thanks Merv, I was a model cruiser and a credit to Ull

[Silver_Shiney]

A model cruiser? We know you flogged plastic, didn't realise you were made of it too.

[Manoverboard]

£120 in a single day for ' drinks ', lost ones cruise card while crawling under the bed, spent half the cruise in the naughty corner ... good grief, on a recent-ish cruise we met a kindred soul from Grimsby who had similar disgusting habits.

Had hoped to read that Lady D was making steady progress regarding the knocking off of the rough edges ... mais non.

ps ... great report, loved it.

[Dark Knight]

After 20 years Lady D has given up all hope of refining me and accepts my little quirks and foibles. We were christened the naughty corner by fellow passengers in jest ( I hope), the crew nicknamed our little corner the beer garden

[Mervyn and Trish]

£120 in a single day for ' drinks ', lost ones cruise card while crawling under the bed, spent half the cruise in the naughty corner

That's what he means by "a credit to Ull"!

[qbman1]

The Ten-Bob Millionaire is alive and well and living in 'Ull

[Gill W]

Thanks for all your reports, DK, it brought back memories of the Baltic cruise we did, plus I enjoyed reading what you thought about Magellan and CMV

I'm not sure I would have wanted 2 weeks on Magellan, but I thought she was great for a short 'top up cruise'

I've got a week on Columbus next year.

I think well of CMV - for the price you pay, they are good value

[Dark Knight]

Gill
we thought they were exceptional value for money and we would be happy to sail with them again.

[Mervyn and Trish]

I've got a week on Columbus next year.

Look forward to hearing about that Gill. While Batty's report has confirmed that Magellan is not for us Columbus is still tempting maybe for 2018.

[qbman1]

Hope you're saving up if you want to buy a beer in Norway, Merv !