Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
-
- Commodore
- Posts: 15262
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
In a recent survey carried out for a leading toiletries firm, people from Liverpool have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, 86% of Liverpool's inner city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
In the survey, 86% of Liverpool's inner city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
-
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians, ignored by Americans, and therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!
Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their cr***y programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.
Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians, ignored by Americans, and therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!
Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their cr***y programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.
Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.
-
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11305
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
We had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play bowls.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person!!!!!!!!!
Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play bowls.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person!!!!!!!!!
-
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 3951
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
How did you recognise her?oldbluefox wrote:We had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play bowls.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person!!!!!!!!!
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable. His wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?”
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.
“Here boy” he replies.
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.
“Here boy” he replies.
-
- First Officer
- Posts: 1854
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Poole Bay, Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Miss May Shithole was always angst by her unfortunate name
May had her named officially change too . . . . June Shithole
May had her named officially change too . . . . June Shithole
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
gfwgfw wrote:Miss May Shithole was always angst by her unfortunate name
May had her named officially change too . . . . June Shithole
-
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11305
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
My mate pointed her out!!!Quizzical Bob wrote:How did you recognise her?oldbluefox wrote:We had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play bowls.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person!!!!!!!!!
-
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11305
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Not sure whether we have had this one. Still funny a second time round.
-
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally retirees' behaviour that was going on...
So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When angel returned, she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true.
The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased.
So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When angel returned, she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true.
The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased.
So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
-
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2406
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: South Wales
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Very funny Cubie - I'd like to think I was one of those "rascally retirees"qbman1 wrote:One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally retirees' behaviour that was going on...
So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When angel returned, she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true.
The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased.
So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
Janis
-
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I think we can take that as read, don't you.....?!Jan Rosser wrote:Very funny Cubie - I'd like to think I was one of those "rascally retirees"
-
- Deputy Captain
- Posts: 6400
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Bradley Stoke
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
-
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The lady made the first move, yer honour !
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)