Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
Treliske Hospital are being sued by a Camborne woman, Mrs Ethel Trevaskis, because after surgery, she said "Since Albert had his operation he has become completely uninterested in sex."
A spokesman for the Hospital stated "all we did was remove his cataracts?"
Treliske Hospital are being sued by a Camborne woman, Mrs Ethel Trevaskis, because after surgery, she said "Since Albert had his operation he has become completely uninterested in sex."
A spokesman for the Hospital stated "all we did was remove his cataracts?"
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The new milk tray man who is from Liverpool, has been sacked after only one day on the job.
He delivered the chocolates OK, but left with the laptop, TV, and DVD player.
He delivered the chocolates OK, but left with the laptop, TV, and DVD player.
-
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11305
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a &$£!&£ Brick wall!"
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a &$£!&£ Brick wall!"
-
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11305
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London . Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of doze and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking ‘cause if they hear our accents, they might think we’re thicko’s from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on my best English accent.”
“Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business” said Mick..
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load ‘em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of doze and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking ‘cause if they hear our accents, they might think we’re thicko’s from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on my best English accent.”
“Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business” said Mick..
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load ‘em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15926
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I heard that Lord Lucan's family were forced to get a death certificate because he was about to be declared fit for work.
-
- Captain
- Posts: 11275
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.
The Chief comes up to him and asks:
- What do you want for your first wish?
- I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy.
The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt.
The Chief asks him once again:
- What do you want for your second wish?
- I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy.
Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later.
The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks:
- So, what do you want for your last third wish?
- I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy.
He grabs the horse by the ears and yells @ it:
- You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!!
The Chief comes up to him and asks:
- What do you want for your first wish?
- I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy.
The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt.
The Chief asks him once again:
- What do you want for your second wish?
- I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy.
Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later.
The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks:
- So, what do you want for your last third wish?
- I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy.
He grabs the horse by the ears and yells @ it:
- You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!!
-
- First Officer
- Posts: 1854
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Poole Bay, Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
StephenStephen wrote:It's Friday Fun Time
Treliske Hospital are being sued by a Camborne woman, Mrs Ethel Trevaskis, because after surgery, she said "Since Albert had his operation he has become completely uninterested in sex."
A spokesman for the Hospital stated "all we did was remove his cataracts?"
A good 'un
Graham
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas
-
- First Officer
- Posts: 1854
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Poole Bay, Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The Gentle Giant. . . . sadly forever banned to being an elite Morris Dancer
WHY ?
A good Valentines to all Mornin All jokers
Graham
WHY ?
A good Valentines to all Mornin All jokers
Graham
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas
-
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A man walks in to a zoo.
There is only one animal there.
It's a dog.
It's a shih tzu.
There is only one animal there.
It's a dog.
It's a shih tzu.
-
- Commodore
- Posts: 15262
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A man just threw a load of milk over me.
How dare 'e
How dare 'e