It's Friday Fun Time
Scared the life out of me. I thought I was being spied on over the fence.
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
Scared the life out of me. I thought I was being spied on over the fence.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The Internet has become too politically correct.
What's all this nonsense about disabled cookies?
In my day they were called broken biscuits.
What's all this nonsense about disabled cookies?
In my day they were called broken biscuits.
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11348
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want"
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Two engineers .………
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a small spanner from her handbag, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took the measurement, and announced, "Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!".
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the British Government and Civil Service respectively!!
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want"
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Two engineers .………
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a small spanner from her handbag, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took the measurement, and announced, "Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!".
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the British Government and Civil Service respectively!!
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A manc and a scouser go into a bakery, the scouser pinches three iced buns and shoves them in his pockets .
The manc says to the scouser "that's just simple theft I will show you how it's done".
He convinces the baker to let him show him a magic trick .
The baker places 3 iced buns on the counter and the manc eats each one in turn ..the baker looks annoyed and want's his money ..the manc says" no it's magic look in the scouser's pockets!"
The manc says to the scouser "that's just simple theft I will show you how it's done".
He convinces the baker to let him show him a magic trick .
The baker places 3 iced buns on the counter and the manc eats each one in turn ..the baker looks annoyed and want's his money ..the manc says" no it's magic look in the scouser's pockets!"
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Four very old ladies were walking through the park when a man approached and flashed at them.
Two of the ladies had strokes but the other two weren’t quick enough.
Two of the ladies had strokes but the other two weren’t quick enough.
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 11359
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
One day a man went into a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl.
"What the hell's the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?" the man bellowed at the waitress.
"My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place," the waitress informed him.
"Oh yeah," the man shouted, "then why don't you take that finger of yours and shove it up your fat ass?"
"I'm sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out
"What the hell's the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?" the man bellowed at the waitress.
"My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place," the waitress informed him.
"Oh yeah," the man shouted, "then why don't you take that finger of yours and shove it up your fat ass?"
"I'm sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15980
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Dave from work, who suffered from Tourette's, died suddenly at the weekend.
We had a minutes silence on Monday morning.
Everyone enjoyed it.
We had a minutes silence on Monday morning.
Everyone enjoyed it.