It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Little boy lost and crying in a supermarket.
Man says to him "What"s up son?"
The little boy replies "I can"t find mummy"
The man says "What"s mummy like?"
The boy replies "Big c*cks and Bacardi Breezers".
Man says to him "What"s up son?"
The little boy replies "I can"t find mummy"
The man says "What"s mummy like?"
The boy replies "Big c*cks and Bacardi Breezers".
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I see Channel 4 has chosen Leeds for its new HQ.
I'm looking forward to seeing "One man and his ferret", " Great British Yorkshire Pud-Off", " Strictly come Feeting", "The News at 5 and 20 past 6", "The local Vet", "Huddersfield and Away", "Pudsey The Bear", " Harrogate-Enders", "Very Loose Women", " On Ilkley moor bar tat with Fred Trueman", " How to treat the Lady in your life with Sir Geoffrey Boycott", "Tyke Me Out with Paddy McTetleys " and " Top Gear with George Whitebread".
I'm looking forward to seeing "One man and his ferret", " Great British Yorkshire Pud-Off", " Strictly come Feeting", "The News at 5 and 20 past 6", "The local Vet", "Huddersfield and Away", "Pudsey The Bear", " Harrogate-Enders", "Very Loose Women", " On Ilkley moor bar tat with Fred Trueman", " How to treat the Lady in your life with Sir Geoffrey Boycott", "Tyke Me Out with Paddy McTetleys " and " Top Gear with George Whitebread".
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11331
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
My gay mate, Richard, joined the Australian Navy.
He thought he'd died and gone to heaven when he first heard the order, "All hands on di*k!"
He thought he'd died and gone to heaven when he first heard the order, "All hands on di*k!"
Last edited by Stephen on 02 Nov 2018, 16:51, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15968
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Glasgow Rangers manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Scotland.
Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
" Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"SORRY?!!! SORRY?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bl**dy fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
" Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"SORRY?!!! SORRY?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bl**dy fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 11350
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him."
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him."
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied