Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Last edited by Stephen on 14 Dec 2018, 08:49, edited 1 time in total.
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A new woman joins a Golf Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team, I was pretty good, mind if I join you next week?"
No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical, astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical, astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
French rioters have stolen a police assault rifle during fuel protests.
Luckily, being French, they have no idea what it is.
Luckily, being French, they have no idea what it is.
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- Captain
- Posts: 11273
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the bushes and screaming sounds and laughter can be heard from their activities. 12 minutes later they return to the front of the bush again claiming they are finished. "Well now, that was kinda quick!" the genie says. "You can do it a second time for the remaining 3 minutes if you want," the genie tells them, winking his eye. Both the female and male look at each other and smile. The man says to the woman, "Okay great, but this time you get to hold the pigeon so I can sh*t on him!
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
SCOTTISH LOVE STORY
An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite pan
fried drop scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with
even greater effort. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already
in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted
Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a
happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand
trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was
suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon
She said................ "F... off' "they're for the funeral."
An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite pan
fried drop scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with
even greater effort. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already
in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted
Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a
happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand
trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was
suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon
She said................ "F... off' "they're for the funeral."
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Christmas is coming so be careful on the roads as quite a lot of guys will be having a few drinks and letting their wives drive.
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
-
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Harry Redknapp has reportedly earned £500,000 for his appearance on I’m A Celebrity which after tax works out as £500,000
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- First Officer
- Posts: 1854
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Poole Bay, Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
BUT . .. Stephen his much loved Bulldog has yet another testicle removed
A fantastical weekend to you and your Friday playmates
Luboo all
Graham
A fantastical weekend to you and your Friday playmates
Luboo all
Graham
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas
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Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15925
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
And to you Graham.
Keep warm.
Keep warm.
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- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11305
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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