It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
THE DFS SALE
Apparently Teresa May was there last week and negotiated a deal for a corner settee at a jaw dropping knock down full price!
Inside sources from a leading furniture retailer have revealed that the DFS sale is set to continue for the time being.
It was widely believed that the DFS sale was due to end on Monday but leaked information has proven otherwise.
The source told WalesOnCraic:
“We’ve been told to keep our mouths shut about this but I know for a fact that the sale will continue past Bank Holiday Monday. In fact, I was met by a man who’d built a time machine and had travelled 300 years into the future and he told me that the DFS sale was still on then.
When it comes to working the shop floor however, we’ve had to put up posters saying that the sale ends on Monday. Our radio adverts say that the sale ends on Monday. This all ties in with the fake news that everyone’s been talking about. This is it, happening now, right under our noses. The people can’t be hoodwinked like this any more. We need a leader who can champion the rights of the people and that person is me. Vote for me, Brian Bellend, leader of your…”[interview terminated at this point].
The DFS sale originally started in the times of Jesus. He once visited a store to find that they didn’t have the recliner he wanted and went apesh*t, upturning the tables of the money lenders and stuff.
Apparently Teresa May was there last week and negotiated a deal for a corner settee at a jaw dropping knock down full price!
Inside sources from a leading furniture retailer have revealed that the DFS sale is set to continue for the time being.
It was widely believed that the DFS sale was due to end on Monday but leaked information has proven otherwise.
The source told WalesOnCraic:
“We’ve been told to keep our mouths shut about this but I know for a fact that the sale will continue past Bank Holiday Monday. In fact, I was met by a man who’d built a time machine and had travelled 300 years into the future and he told me that the DFS sale was still on then.
When it comes to working the shop floor however, we’ve had to put up posters saying that the sale ends on Monday. Our radio adverts say that the sale ends on Monday. This all ties in with the fake news that everyone’s been talking about. This is it, happening now, right under our noses. The people can’t be hoodwinked like this any more. We need a leader who can champion the rights of the people and that person is me. Vote for me, Brian Bellend, leader of your…”[interview terminated at this point].
The DFS sale originally started in the times of Jesus. He once visited a store to find that they didn’t have the recliner he wanted and went apesh*t, upturning the tables of the money lenders and stuff.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Word of advice ....
Whatever you do, if you invite Julian Assange around for tea, don’t say, “Make yourself at home.”
Whatever you do, if you invite Julian Assange around for tea, don’t say, “Make yourself at home.”
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
At the 2019 World Womans Conference the first speaker from Canada stood up...
At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from France stood up:
After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had not only done his own washing but my washing as well.
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Glasgow stood up:
Efter last year's conference ah went hame and telt ma man that I widnae dae his cookin, cleanin or shoppin' and that he wid hiftde dae it himsel.
Efter the first day ah saw nuthin'. Efter the second day ah saw nuthin'.
But efter the third day I could see a wee bit oot o ma left eye!
At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from France stood up:
After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had not only done his own washing but my washing as well.
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Glasgow stood up:
Efter last year's conference ah went hame and telt ma man that I widnae dae his cookin, cleanin or shoppin' and that he wid hiftde dae it himsel.
Efter the first day ah saw nuthin'. Efter the second day ah saw nuthin'.
But efter the third day I could see a wee bit oot o ma left eye!
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Manoverboard
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 13014
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Gone to Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat "you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know". The cat thinks for a moment and says "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says "say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears
.Several days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says "say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him "How are things since you are here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat "you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know". The cat thinks for a moment and says "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says "say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears
.Several days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says "say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him "How are things since you are here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
Keep smiling, it's good for your well being
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Manoverboard wrote: ↑19 Apr 2019, 11:14Gone to Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat "you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know". The cat thinks for a moment and says "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says "say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears
.Several days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says "say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him "How are things since you are here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I saw a TV in a shop window the other day. It had 3D written on it.
Crikey, I thought, that's cheap.
Crikey, I thought, that's cheap.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
-
Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.