Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time[/glow

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[Stephen]

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The Preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk,

‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’

‘Yes I am’ replies the drunk,

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk,

‘Brother, have you found Jesus?’

The drunk coughing a bit replies, ‘No, I haven’t.’

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again,

‘Have you found Jesus, my brother?’

The drunk spluttering again answers , ‘No, I have not found Jesus.’

By this time the preacher is at his wits’ end so he Dunks the drunk in the water again, but this Time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.

The preacher asks the drunk again,

‘For the love of God, have you found Jesus?’

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his what he thinks maybe his last breath and says to the preacher, ‘Are you sure this is where he fell in?

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

[gfwgfw]

Mornin All

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

Lubooo all

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

England have unleashed their secret weapon in the Ashes test series.

Dianne Abbott is doing the scoring.

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

So glad that Harry and Meghan are being responsible and limiting themselves to two kids to reduce their carbon footprint and save the earth .

So that's just 2 kids who will travel around the world all the time in first class or on private planes and trains and limos with police escorts and motorcycle out riders .
Just two palaces, London flats, New York Apartments then.
Just two country estates with gamekeepers, gundogs, horses, stables, grooms, packs of fox hounds, pets, gardners, servants, cooks, chefs, and security.
Just two daily wardrobes, stylists, media and press secretaries jewellers,
Private health teams, nutritionists.
Just two to go to thousands of banquets and red carpet events and live their entire lives in opulent luxury.

Don't get me started

[Mervyn and Trish]

Couldn't you find the current affairs thread?

I was waiting for the punchline!

[Stephen]

---

How's that

[oldbluefox]

Dai had proposed to Megan and been accepted. "But", added Megan, before we get married I must tell you something dreadful about my past life."
“No," said Dai, "I won't hear of it. You can tell me after we're married."
After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon. Megan again brought up the subject of her "dreadful secret".
“No," said Dai, "it can wait. Tell me when we're in bed together, that'll be soon enough."
That night as they got into bed Megan declared "Well, Dai, now I really do have to tell you my secret. You see, I'm a virgin."
Dai didn't say a word but put on his clothes and travelled all the way back to his mother's house.
“Dai!" said his mother, "what are you doing here, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon."
It's no good", said Dai, "I've had to leave Megan; it turns out she's a virgin."
“Well, Dai," said his mother, "in that case you were quite right to come home.
If she's not good enough for the rest of the village she's not good enough for you."

[oldbluefox]

Meanwhile in Ireland.
The Priest said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Priest asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Priest said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again The Priest asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Priest asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!'
The Priest said, 'That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer ####in candle!

[Stephen]

Meanwhile in Ireland.
The Priest said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Priest asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Priest said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again The Priest asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Priest asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!'
The Priest said, 'That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer ####in candle!