It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Funny how government advice changes!
August - EOHO (Eat Out to Help Out)
September - DUFO (Drink up, F**k Off)
August - EOHO (Eat Out to Help Out)
September - DUFO (Drink up, F**k Off)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Last edited by Stephen on 25 Sep 2020, 08:50, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Lockdown II - The Sequel. Coming soon !
There's one thing I am going to dread more than anything else and that is the cat stopping by his cat flap, turning round and asking me if I want the radio left on while he goes out.
There's one thing I am going to dread more than anything else and that is the cat stopping by his cat flap, turning round and asking me if I want the radio left on while he goes out.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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barney
- Deputy Captain
- Posts: 5608
- Joined: March 2013
- Location: Instow Devon
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Fireworks were being let off last night in advance of Bonfire Night.
What’s wrong with these people ?
The cat was so scared that it run up the Christmas tree.
What’s wrong with these people ?
The cat was so scared that it run up the Christmas tree.
Empty vessels .. and all that
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Manoverboard
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 13014
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Keep smiling, it's good for your well being
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Manoverboard
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 13014
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Keep smiling, it's good for your well being
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Manoverboard
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 13014
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Keep smiling, it's good for your well being
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I put this ad in a lonely hearts column.
'I like to go for long walks stopping regularly for nice cool drinks.
I enjoy good food and at the end of a day I would love to curl up on the sofa with you and stroke your hair.'
I only got one reply.
From a Golden Retriever.
'I like to go for long walks stopping regularly for nice cool drinks.
I enjoy good food and at the end of a day I would love to curl up on the sofa with you and stroke your hair.'
I only got one reply.
From a Golden Retriever.
Last edited by Stephen on 25 Sep 2020, 10:05, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
“Hello bartender”
“Good evening sir”
“Bartender, what’s the wi-fi password, please ?”
Bartender “you’ll have to buy a round of drinks first”
“OK, two single malts and three pints of heavy”
“There you go sir, £17.20 please”
Customer hands over £20 note, then
“Keep the change, now what is the password please ?”
Bartender “thank you sir, as for the password ‘you’ll have to buy a round of drinks first’....all lower case and no spaces”
“Good evening sir”
“Bartender, what’s the wi-fi password, please ?”
Bartender “you’ll have to buy a round of drinks first”
“OK, two single malts and three pints of heavy”
“There you go sir, £17.20 please”
Customer hands over £20 note, then
“Keep the change, now what is the password please ?”
Bartender “thank you sir, as for the password ‘you’ll have to buy a round of drinks first’....all lower case and no spaces”
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15309
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
“Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily,
“Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a g.e. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!”
The wife asks,
“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.
To which he replied, fix the fridge door?” “Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.” replies the husband.
“Fine”, she says, “Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”
“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps”, he says.
“Does it look like I have ace hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!”
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
“Honey”, he asks, “How’d all this get fixed?”
She said,
“Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.”
He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.
“So what kind of cake did you bake him?” asks the husband.
She replies,
“Hellooooo…….do you see Mary Berry written on my forehead? I don’t think so!”
“Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily,
“Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a g.e. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!”
The wife asks,
“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.
To which he replied, fix the fridge door?” “Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.” replies the husband.
“Fine”, she says, “Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”
“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps”, he says.
“Does it look like I have ace hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!”
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
“Honey”, he asks, “How’d all this get fixed?”
She said,
“Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.”
He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.
“So what kind of cake did you bake him?” asks the husband.
She replies,
“Hellooooo…….do you see Mary Berry written on my forehead? I don’t think so!”
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15309
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Mrs Manicotti comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female flatmate, Maria.
During the evening, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's flatmate is.While watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his flatmate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just flatmates."
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son
Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral: Never Bullshitta your Mama
During the evening, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's flatmate is.While watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his flatmate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just flatmates."
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son
Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral: Never Bullshitta your Mama
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15965
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A chinese kid asks his father: "Dad, why do they say all Chinese people look alike?"
He replies: "I am not your dad"
He replies: "I am not your dad"
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15309
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A married couple are travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George .
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. The man insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," .
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. The man insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," .
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.