Last One to Post Wins

[The Tinker]

A husband and wife died and went to Heaven together. They were met at the gates by an angel who was to show them the place. Right over here we have our very own golf course!

Wow! It's beautiful! Can we play it now?! they both exclaimed.

Sure said the angel.

So the couple began playing. It was the most beautiful course they had ever seen. Everything was perfect... the fairways, the greens, even the roughs. The more they played the more the woman beamed with happiness, but she noticed her husband was becoming disheartened and angry.

The woman confronted her husband on what was wrong. I can't understand why you're not happy. We're in Heaven! We're together! We're playing on the most beautiful and most perfect golf course ever! What's wrong with you? she asked.

If you hadn't fed us those DAMN bran muffins, we'd been here years ago!

[Not so ancient mariner]

Since golf jokes appear to be in season:

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform
the other of the after life. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the
golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.

I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much
all afternoon.

After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The
next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk."

[Silver_Shiney]

good morning one and all, this is your early morning call from the leader.

[Not so ancient mariner]

and a very good morning to you, Number One......................










This is the Captain speaking.

[Dark Knight]

morning everypeeps

[Silver_Shiney]

where is everyone?

[Not so ancient mariner]

Well, HK's gone off in a huff because Cubie's away.

[Silver_Shiney]

ah, I thought it was blissfully peaceful

How's yer goodself today?

[Not so ancient mariner]

Not bad at all, thank you. Looking forward to next week.

[Silver_Shiney]

sorry, forgotten where you said you're going!

I'll have to wait until I get home to find out - lunchbreak over

[Not so ancient mariner]

sorry, forgotten where you said you're going!

I'll have to wait until I get home to find out - lunchbreak over

Following in Cubie's wake - at least as far as Iceland.

A few weeks ago I used the German expression 'Wie kommt Kuhscheiße auf´s Dach ?' Well, I now think I know the answer.

See:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-22969017

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-23303998

[Mervyn and Trish]

Hi all. Not been in this madhouse for a while so just dropped in to let you know I'm winning.

[Silver_Shiney]

it's not often you're right, but you're wrong again!!

[The Tinker]

Hi guys - I'm home.

I think the moral of notso's cow dramas is ALWAYS check for cows on the roof before you retire at night.

Sleep peacefully Shiney - don't want you dreaming about cows dropping in!

[Not so ancient mariner]

it's not often you're right, but you're wrong again!!

but only on the second point!

[Dark Knight]

evening all

[Silver_Shiney]

Thanks, Tinks, a good night's sleep would not go amiss, cows or no cows!

[The Tinker]

Moo -ve over shiney (sorry couldnt resist)

[Silver_Shiney]

pull the udder one, Tinks

[Not so ancient mariner]

What pun-y attempts at humour!

[welshynurse]

Wow the comedy scene had better watch out with you lot about!
Meanwhile, I will slip quietly into the lead

[Silver_Shiney]

Not so fast, small medical personette

[Not so ancient mariner]

Good morning all. Everybody OK?

[Silver_Shiney]

Hot

Tired, not having slept at all well, despite Tink's good wishes.

Dental appointment in an hour's time.

Long day ahead - I'm out speaking at the local Women's Institute tonight. Can't see me getting home much before 2230.

I might -might - have to ask one of you to take the lead just for today

[Not so ancient mariner]

It clouded over here yesterday afternoon . It stayed dry, but the temperature dropped noticeably - so a much more comfortable night. Still cloudy but dry, but forecast is for it to get hot again tomorrow. We've got a cell group barbecue tonight, so won't be home much before you.

I will keep the leader's seat warm for you