Aging

[Silver_Shiney]

A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Newcastle because the waitresses had big busts & wore mini-skirts.



Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Newcastle because the food and service was good and the beer was excellent



Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Newcastle because they could dine in peace and quiet and it was good value for money



Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Newcastle because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a lift for the disabled.



Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Newcastle because they had never been there before.

[Romig1]

Nice one Shiney!

[oldbluefox]

Shiney one

[oldbluefox]

Apparently some passengers are looking for something a little more exciting when they visit Spain

http://www.youtube.com/embed/2h-WhhqFjv4?feature=player_

I like the way the first guy manages to keep his cigarette in his mouth!!

[Silver_Shiney]

Some of those people were disturbingly still after being tossed. I'm amazed nobody appeared to be leaking red bits....

[Silver_Shiney]

Retirement !!!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday



Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.


Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.



Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.


Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.


Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.


Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.



Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and refuses to retire?
Answer: Nuts


Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there . . .



Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.


Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break…spiked !


Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.



Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he worked with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.



QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

[Silver_Shiney]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied..
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.