DTM Live from Oriana ... X306

[Dennis The Menace]

Buenos Dias

We opted for a lazy day yesterday and so we didn't get to see Oporto after all. That was partly due to needing some rest having just had two busy port days, and partly due to the shuttle bus into Oporto being 45 minutes each way. After the traffic jam in Lisbon, it seemed a shame to spend another 90 minutes on a shuttle bus especially as, due to Oriana's planned early departure yesterday, the last bus back to the ship was at 1.15. But the good news is we got plenty of sun and relaxation so we should be both bronzed and rested for La Corunna today.

Having had such a quiet day yesterday, we were really looking forward to last nights show as Carl, one of the Headliner's singers, was doing one of his regular solo shows. It was billed as a unique style of cabaret which was to include a number of songs from west end shows and so, particularly given his Headliners performances, we expected big things. But alas, the only big thing about it was the disappointment, it wasn't good. If he had stuck to the singing it might have been ok but most of the show was him telling really old predictable jokes. It was torture. He was so cheesy I physically hurt, but then that might be due to me self harming through the second half by paper cutting myself with a copy of the Horizon newspaper. To be fair to him, many of the older cruisers seemed to enjoy it, and it was to them that he had undoubtedly aimed his "ooh, i'm awful me" material but, for us, he's a good singer and a poor comedian.

As if to prove my point, he ended with a couple of really big songs which he did so well with a couple of elderly ladies pulled out their lighters and swayed atmospherically from side to side with their respective flames held firmly in the air. As those around them questioned if naked flames were allowed (in their defence they were sat on the starboard/smokers side of the ship) a couple of security guys suddenly swooped down and tazered them. Well ok, not security guards and not tazered, but the cruise ship equivalent - i.e. they were dug in the ribs with their own bingo markers and politely asked to leave the auditorium via the nearest possible mobility scooter. But my point is, this bloke could sing.

Still, we got to console ourselves over cocktails in Tiffany's listening to Clare the excellent pianist again. She has this uncanny ability to carry on playing even when she's turned her head away from the keys to talk to someone about their day, or discuss a special request. And, for most of the tunes, she doesn't even need the sheet music, she knows them off by heart. Mandy's enjoying her "show" medleys so much we asked Clare if she has CD on sale but sadly not - she said it made her day that someone had asked though, so glad we did.

Right then, now safety berthed in La Corunna after a choppy old night, so best get sorted. Looking forward to this one after not going into Oporto yesterday but then I did subsequently find out that Oporto is twinned with Bristol, so maybe we didn't miss much after all.

[Dancing Queen]

I'm sure many would disagree with me DTM but I don't think you missed anything with Oporto, in fact when we missed it at Xmas I was rather pleased to have an extra sea day, it wasn't a place that impressed me at all and should we ever find ourselves there again I would definitely do a tour ( away from the area, if there are any )

Now La Coruna, what a delightful little place to just wander, hope you enjoy it

[Manoverboard]

Oporto was, for us, a gem so I thought it was a great pity that they had missed it

[Dancing Queen]

I did say people would disagree with me Moby

I'm sure Oporto has a lot to offer which is why if I go again I will do a tour and choose carefully, we walked around a lot and I just found it a dirty filthy place ... sorry I did think the church was worth a vist ( can't remember the name but the one all the tours go to ) but we were put off by the number of beggars around the area, it makes me very uncomfortable.

[Manoverboard]

There are beggars everywhere these days so I reckon yo'll just have to get used to them

[MicheleW]

We thoroughly enjoyed our visit to Oporto last year - even in the rain it was the best port for us. We walked down to the river and crossed the bridge on the lower level and then had a very interesting tour of one of the port houses (including some sampling). We then took the cable car up to the higher level of the bridge and crossed back over before a wander around the town. A very interesting day. Wouldn't mind going back there at all.

Michele

[Dennis The Menace]

A lovely final port day yesterday in La Corunna with sunshine a plenty, if a wee bit breezy at times. The breeze was on account of La Corunna being situated on a small lollipop shaped peninsular practically surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean. As with many Spanish ports, Oriana was able to berth within spitting distance of the city's main attractions and so we enjoyed the luxury of a lie in, and a late breakfast, before hitting the shops where once again the massive difference between man-shopping and Mandy-shopping became very apparent. I could have voiced my dissatisfaction I guess but, although "Corunna" is said to come from the Gaelic for "the harbour of the brave men", I ain't one of them.

So whilst I needed aftershave, went to an aftershave shop, picked up aftershave and bought it, Mandy's approach was slightly different. Mandy wanted some Chanel nail varnish so, obviously, it was important to visit dozens of shops, only a handful of which even sold nail varnish. And, when we were in one of the handful of shops that actually sold nail varnish, it was of course unacceptable to buy any nail varnish before first visiting all of the other shops that sold nail varnish. When, and only when, all such shops had been visited could we then return, inevitably, to the first such shop to commence the purchasing process. Only the purchasing process never took place because, having visited all the shops that sell the nail varnish, and a vast number that don't, the only possible conclusion that made any sense was to instead buy the Opi "After Dark in Lincoln Park" nail varnish back on the ship. The ship we've been on all week. Selling that nail varnish all week. Apparently it's really hard to get. Except for onboard where it's really easy to get. Because they have had it all week!

On the plus side, running parallel to much of the main shopping area, and situated between the sea front and the shops, is the immaculately kept Gardens of Mendes Nunez. I don't know who Mendes Nunez is but he's clearly a mean gardener because the gardens were stunning and situated in the perfect position for the less enthusiastic shopping spouse or tourist weary local. In fact, it seemed very popular with the local primary school too as small groups of bite sized (so aged about 4 or 5?) kids were taken by the teachers to various points around the gardens for 5 minutes each of education and recreation, before moving onto their next designated stop. The recreation part of the "stop" nearest us was one of those play parachute things where the kids each grab a part of it's edge and wave it up and down like their lives depend on it. Their faces were a real picture, they absolutely loved it. Despite having not moaned once during Expedition Nail Varnish, I wasn't deemed to have been a good enough boy to be allowed to join in.

After a gloriously sunny hour or so recuperating in the park, we returned to the ship and, after a quick bite to eat, settled on a couple of sun loungers on the Promenade Deck. It's my favourite deck I think the Prom Deck, with it's closer proximity to the sea giving a much more intimate feel to your ocean going experience than the other outdoor decks. Admittedly, we were in port but the view and awareness of where we actually were was so much better than if we had been sat on, say, the main sun deck. Today, the Prom Deck also had the added advantage of being a lot less breezy so we ended up staying there for a couple of hours before joining our final sail away. We had missed the last couple of these, but this was the higher tempo "Great British" version with flags and (alternative) national anthems, so it was good fun.

Things were therefore a little tight (both time wise and fitting my bloated cocktail belly in trousers wise) getting ready for our first-sitting dinner. It was even tighter to be ready in time for the pre-dinner bottle of champagne that Richard & Joyce had kindly arranged for the four of us in Tiffany's, but we just about managed it, although some of the bubbly stuff did end up accompanying us to dinner. And we really had cause to celebrate as the captain announced over the tannoy that, after a little concern on his part, our re-crossing of the Bay of Biscay should be much better than we saw going the other direction, with swells hopefully limited to 1 to 2 metres.

There were a couple of different after dinner shows last night but we, surprise surprise, chose to go to the Headliner's tribute to Queen. Once again, it was a slight variation on similar shows they have done in the past but it always seems a favourite this one with, even the most uncoordinated passenger, joining in with the clap, clap, arm raises of Radio Ga Ga. They must get tired of some of these shows but you would never guess, the Headliners were terrific once again and Carl, the singer who thought he was Duncan Norvelle the other night, belting out a couple of corkers.

Right, last day today and we're off to Al Fresco for breakfast. No lie in for Mandy today as some bugger has been banging around in the wall space behind our cabin since 7 a.m. If he does it again tomorrow, he might just see that wrench of his used in a way that he's not previously encountered

[Manoverboard]

Wiki type details of Mendes Nunez are here.

[kaymar]

As ever, DTM, thanks for the entertaining reports. Hope the BoB is good to you and good luck with the rest of the book.

[Andrea S]

DTM, Everyone is a winner. We know men's views on the way we shop but you have to surpass anything ever written. What you forget us that we are really looking for the best bargain to save you money. Enjoy the remainder of your holiday.

[Dancing Queen]

La Coruna is one of my favourite Spanish ports.

Now I can quite relate to Mand's dilemma re the nail varnish ... you men just don't understand how important these things are to us

[Silver_Shiney]

La Coruna is one of my favourite Spanish ports.

Now I can quite relate to Mand's dilemma re the nail varnish ... you men just don't understand how important these things are to us

Does the phrase "get a life" mean anything?








okay, okay, I know, I'm going to get a slap.

[jay-ell71]

Well, DTM, glad you have enjoyed your cruise; I have enjoyed the reports. I hope Captain is correct about the BoB.

Regarding the Nail Varnish Expedition... as others have said, it sounded very normal to me.. what was the problem

Safe and comfortable journey home. Jay

[Dancing Queen]

La Coruna is one of my favourite Spanish ports.

Now I can quite relate to Mand's dilemma re the nail varnish ... you men just don't understand how important these things are to us

Does the phrase "get a life" mean anything?








okay, okay, I know, I'm going to get a slap.

Consider yourself well and truly "slapped" Shiney

[Silver_Shiney]

Mods, help, I'm being assaulted....

[Dancing Queen]

[Dennis The Menace]

The Bay clearly felt it owed us one yesterday as it was on it's best behaviour for our sail back across it and, after a cloudy start, it was basked in glorious sunshine too. The outside decks were getting a little battered by a chilly wind though, to the point where most passengers hardy enough to try it, were wrapped up in jumpers and coats. We got lucky though. I had a wander out to the aft Terrace Pool whilst Mandy finished the packing, and found the handful of people out there dressed in just t-shirts and shorts due to it's more sheltered position. 10 minutes later, and with Mandy summoned from her packing duties to join me, I had even foregone my t-shirt, it was Scorchio! A real bonus on our last day and one which few passengers seemed to realise was available on Oriana's a*se end.

Next, following the reported Noro Virus protests on Oriana in December, i decided to stage a one-man demonstration in the Atrium because I had a runny nose. I mean, it's not right, people haven't come on this cruise just so 0.003% of us can go down with the common cold. I want answers. Oh hang on, i best come up with some questions first. But....ummmm..... Lemsips! Yes, I want Lemsips. For free. And delivered to me by the captain because it's all his fault isn't it ? surely a cure is not too much to ask?? Wait a minute. Isn't a cold highly contagious? What the hell are P&O playing at letting me congregate in an enclosed space like this !?! Actually, I'm not sure anyone even noticed I was protesting, but its probably just as well as my nose had stopped running by then. And it was time for chocoholics. So, magnanimously, I decided to let it ride this time.

Seriously though, there had been the odd rumour, prior to the cruise, suggesting Noro virus had returned to Oriana but I'm glad to say we've not seen or heard anything of the sort. If Noro was onboard recently, the small but sensible measures put in place for the first 48 hours of the cruise (such as the waiters serving you at the buffet) seem to have been successful and with minimum inconvenience to the passengers. I know it's a nasty bug, and I'd hate to get it on a cruise, but from what I saw on this particular cruise P&O took reasonable steps to prevent or curtail it.

After intravenously ingesting a sensible, but not insignificant, amount of cocoa based food types, I joined Mandy in the theatre for the second half of the Les Miserable movie screening. We had seen it before so, aside from Mandy's regular spates of uncontrollable sobbing, and her being the only one of the 200 strong audience to give the film a standing ovation at the end, it was quite uneventful for me. That is if you ignore the steady stream of elderly gentleman leaving their wives to watch it alone half way through, whilst uttering "what a load of bloody rubbish". I enjoyed it, as I always do with Les Mis, but am glad I didn't donate 3 hours of our final day to watch it all.

It was after all, going to be a busy evening as I planned to see 2 shows before bed. The first was the final Headliner's show "Stage Door" based on musicals from the 40's, 50's and 60's. I prefer the more recent musicals personally but, with the emphasis very much on the singing, the 5 vocalists were really good. One, quite long, Rogers and Hammerstein sequence in particular was incredible. But the one i was looking forward too the most was the "talk" by ex-footballer, Alan Mullery, which turned out to be interesting, but amusing too. For instance, whilst I had always thought it was a myth, Alan confirmed that he did actually go straight up to Gordon Banks after THAT save from Pele in 1970, and ask "why didn't you catch it?".

And then that was it. I wandered up to the Crow's Nest Lounge to find the others only to find they were all looking as tired as I felt. I had hoped for a night cap in the "kick up the 80's" party before bed but I was zonked so, reluctantly, we wandered off to bed. We've all had another great cruise, and a much needed break, but it had to end sometime. In terms of Oriana herself, I know she's now adult only, and a good few years older than when we last cruised on her, but I didn't notice any real difference. We loved her last time, we did so again and, although an increased vibration has been suggested by some reviewers since the addition of her extra cabins, i did not feel this.

Thanks P&O for another excellent cruise. Thanks also to you all for following my email reports (apologies for any mistakes, I've already spotted a few) and I understand Moby has been posting these reports over on David's forum too so cheers to anyone following over there.

Take Care all

No problem Menace

[Meg 50]

what happened to the man with wrench?

[gfwgfw]

Again an excellent cruise report from Dennis added and abetted by Mobly

Much appreciated

gfw

[emjay45]

Hi DTM so that's where you are or perhaps were. I've not long been home from our worldie. I can't believe we missed you by days in Lisbon. We were there on the 21st and had lovely weather too. I must agree with you, it made no difference that I walked up and down the stairs instead of taking the lift CRUISING MAKES YOU FAT Hope you had a great cruise Just found this site

[Lollie]

Well, still not six weeks post-op so only working half days and what better way to spend half an hour than reading one of DTM's cruise reports? I forget about looking at this forum so am very late reading this one. Great report again, glad to hear embarkation was easier and that you were able to enjoy more of your first hours aboard. Sadly no cruise for us this year but have just booked for next, in the meantime reading reports like this one gives me a cruise 'fix' to be going on with!

[Capt Black]

Thanks for the reports DTM. Very refreshing to read something positive about peoples' experience of Oriana.

[Dennis The Menace]

Thanks all for your kind comments and apologies for not replying earlier.

I couldn't remember my password .

Hope everyone is ok.

DTM

[Frank Manning]

Glad to see you are OK DTM, I had emailed you a couple of times and got no reply, and seeing you were not active on here Sue and I were wondering how you and Mandy were. All's well that ends well.

[Dennis The Menace]

I will check my "Frank" filter and get back to you Frank.